A bit of a weight loss update - if this is the first weight loss post you're reading you might want to go HERE and HERE first, for the whole story.
In the spirit of those people I've decided to jump into the deep end and post my first 'two piece' bathing suit photo. I was waiting for my body to be a little smaller - a little tighter - a little closer to 'perfect' - Yep, 'perfect' ....
Which brings me to the theme of my post today: Seeking Perfection - Finding Acceptance.
When I decided to lose weight - I originally was giddy over the thought of losing 20lbs... that would be awesome. Never mind the fact that I actually needed to lose somewhere in the neighborhood of 80-90lbs - I didn't think that was possible.
Turns out - much to my personal surprise - it was possible.
So, here I am closer to that big number and I find myself just as critical of my body as I was when I weighed my heaviest. Actually, I was probably happier with myself 20lbs ago... not because I thought I looked perfect - but, because I could still fantasize that perfect was POSSIBLE. Now, I'm really close to Nicole's body - and I'm having to come to terms that the 'perfect' I had envisioned just isn't possible.
I thought I would have a tight stomach and little legs - I never thought I would look down and see saggy skin and a couple rolls... I just allowed myself to fantasize that something almost 'impossible' was possible. Perfection.
That leaves me with - what?
Anger, regret, a promise to be a gym rat until I see the 'perfect' I was aiming for (eyes rolled) .... or....
A choice.
A choice to drown in all that's wrong - or to celebrate the accomplishment and ACCEPTING the body that comes with it.
So this new 'love your body' and 'celebrate your accomplishment' sounds like a really good plan.... then BAM
Enter swim suit shopping.
Here comes the trip to Mexico - and I've decided to go with a one piece because I'm just so darn uncomfortable in anything else. I tried on a couple two pieces - turned in the mirror, in horror, and thought - OMG. NO.
I found this amazing one piece that's crocheted and beautiful - (and expensive) - my parents bought it for me .... and I love it. (I actually might wear it everywhere because it's probably the nicest thing in my closet at the moment)
But, I had worked so hard - I wanted to put on that two piece and say, HA! I did it. I achieved my impossible. So, what did I need to do - I needed to accept. Accept that I'm not perfect and that these stretch marks and saggy skin isn't going anywhere (as much as I would like it to) ... it's here to stay.
So, while at Costco the other day with my Dad I saw some two piece bathing suits for CHEAP (love Costco). I bought a couple (just for kicks) ... came home, tried them on, showed my family... and came out of it thinking..... this is for ME. I don't care that I'm probably 20lbs too heavy.... (OR maybe I'm not)... It's just the satisfaction that I've come so far and darn it - I'm wearing it. AND, I'm posting a picture - not just because I said I would (in the first post) HERE. But, because, maybe it's an opportunity to inspire people and to show that maybe 'perfect' isn't possible.... but, 'pretty good' IS!
AND, somewhere along the way to 'pretty good' you'll realize that 'pretty good' is perfect enough.
It's a journey - and it's not over. I hope that if you take anything away from my posts - it's that - anything is possible. ONE. CHOICE. AT. A. TIME.
Ok - I know I have to show a 'before' if I'm showing an 'after'
Ick.
Who would have thought that this was possible ?!?
(excuse the self portrait - I'll have something more beach appropriate after vacation :) ... and hopefully I'll add a bit of a tan to the mix :)
I hope that you know ... it's possible.
Believe.
